The Dullest Knife Just Sawing Back and Forth
by SinningBySilence
Summary: "Every night when she lay in his arms, bare skin beneath the sheets, she knew it was only a matter of time until these parts of their pasts that they refused to speak of would begin to nag at this … undefined relationship of theirs" **Hooked Queen one-shot**


_**My first attempt at an actual Hooked Queen fic. Fair warning, I haven't had much practice with this pairing, but I hope this was worth it. Let me say that it was not easy. For current HQ writers…bless you for having the patience to write these two so well or at least try. We'll have to see how this turned out, because they're quite the challenge to work with.**_

_**But I do have to thank my lovely beta on this little project, Lydia, for looking over this for me. :)**_

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A heart with a dagger and a name that haunted Regina day after day.

She'd seen the tattoo more times than she could count, touched it without thinking. She'd heard the story before, albeit not from the man she hoped would share his own side one day. It was just as well, though, as she never shared the story of her own tragic loss.

Every night when she lay in his arms, bare skin beneath the sheets, she had to wonder if these parts of their pasts that they refused to speak of would begin to nag at this … undefined relationship. Killian had always been a man of action more than words, which suited Regina just fine.

At first.

That first night she fell into his bed had been nothing more than blowing off steam. The ship had become far too crowded for her taste, and Henry was still missing after nearly two weeks, so she'd gone looking for a way to forget. After a few drinks, the pirate had been only happy to oblige.

Weeks later and with everyone safely back in Storybrooke, the promise she'd made to herself that it would only be one time was long since forgotten. Some nights, she would steal away to his ship and meet him below deck. Other nights, he would show up on her doorstep and hardly wait for a greeting before he had her backed against a wall, his lips crashing against hers while her fingers roughly tangled into his dark hair to pull him closer.

It was carnal, pure lust. There was no need for emotion. That would only complicate things.

Or so they thought.

For a while, the pirate and the Queen had an unspoken agreement not to stay when it was over. However, there came a night when, still out of breath and trying to gain control of her heart rate, Regina had glanced over at Killian in his completely vulnerable state. She smiled smugly at how thoroughly sated he looked before letting her eyes wander from his sparkling blue eyes to his shoulders and down the rest of his body.

That's when the presence of the tattoo on his forearm hit her harder than it had before. And that _name_ on it.

_Milah_.

Suddenly, Regina couldn't help but feel … guilty? No, not guilty. Inadequate. Whoever this woman was, she'd been something special to him, someone he truly loved before he lost her. Anyone after her had likely been a mere flavor of the week for him—a fling at best.

And Regina wondered when it would be her turn for him to drop her like the rest. As if she hadn't been dropped by so many people before.

It was a surprising thought, considering _she_ was the one who had approached _him _with no intention of any kind commitment. But she had to admit that she felt a soft spot growing for the pirate. He was … quite passionate as it were, and he virtually never left her disappointed.

Hell, the last man who had ever made her feel that alive was Daniel. And Hook … there was something about him that allowed her to let her defenses down and give a little control to him. He never judged her past or expected any kind of change. Despite the betrayals, he accepted her for who she was and saw Regina—_not_ the Evil Queen—when he looked at her.

It had been a long time since anyone had given her that.

So, as Hook got his bearings and sat up to leave the bed, Regina found herself reaching out to him. She wanted to know his story. She _needed_ to know.

"Wait," she spoke softly but urgently, placing a hand on his shoulder. He gave her a confused look before she looked down at the tattoo and continued, "Tell me about her—Milah. What really happened?"

He gaped at her for a moment before realization hit him, leaving a harsh scowl on his face. "I don't see how that's any of your business, love," he spoke cooly as he turned away from her to pick up his pants from the floor. She stopped him again.

"I already know the story," she said, her grip becoming more firm. "Gold told me all about it. But I imagine your version and his don't exactly agree."

Hook turned back to her then, appraising her as if for sincerity. When he seemed to accept that she was genuinely interested, his expression softened.

"And why would you possibly bother yourself with such a trivial matter?" he asked, his voice both bitter and sullen.

She frowned, partially from his unwillingness to talk to her and partially out of empathy. If this loss had hurt him as much as losing Daniel had hurt her, then she'd certainly hit a sore spot. Yet it was also one they had in common.

"Maybe because I know exactly how it feels," her voice cracked as she replied.

Hook nodded emphatically. "I know. Your mother told me about him. Daniel?"

"Did she tell you that she killed him?"

There was a pause as he seemed to contemplate his answer.

"She did," the pirate admitted. "She said it was for your own good, but …"

He trailed off, sighing, his expression almost conflicted.

"But what?" Regina prompted gently.

He shook his head sadly. "But I've seen the same thing happen before, and if the person you are now has anything to do with that, I can't bring myself to agree with her. Nobody deserves that."

At his statement, Regina stared at him for a moment. She certainly hadn't expected that. They'd had their moments of sympathy and understanding before, but this time everything about this tone and his expression indicated that he actually _cared_. She could think of maybe two other occasions she had seen this side of him, and she had to admit it was growing on her.

"Because that's what Rumpelstiltskin did to you and Milah?" she asked, placing her hand over his good one on his thigh. "He ripped her heart out in front of you?"

His eyes shifted down to where their hands met and a sadness seemed to cross his face. If she didn't know any better, Regina could swear he looked like he was about to cry.

But he didn't. Instead he looked up at her, jaw set, and replied, "Yes, he did."

She had leaned closer to him then. His blue eyes met the chocolate brown of hers and, for the first time, Regina could see a man who was as broken as she was. Right there, in that moment, he wasn't Hook. His hard, tough Captain façade was gone. He was simply Killian.

"Regina," he murmured. Their faces were mere millimeters apart.

If the former mayor was being honest with herself, she did have feelings for him that, on some level, he returned. This was more than just sex and banter now, and they both knew it. The question was who was bold enough to admit it outright first.

His lips lingered so close to hers then. Regina wanted to pull away, to pretend she hadn't just seen what she saw in the Captain—that they didn't have as much in common as they did. But she couldn't.

Instead she found her lips brushing against his, slowly molding together. Then the kiss deepened, and her fingers were tangling through his shaggy, dark locks of hair while his good hand rested on her bare back, running along her skin. A shiver shot through her spine, causing goosebumps to erupt across supple flesh.

God, how long had it been since someone had kissed her like this? Certainly not Graham, and never any of the few before him. Except Daniel.

Definitely Daniel. While his kisses were far sweeter and more endearing, he was the only other man who'd ever managed to make her melt like she was at that moment from Killian's touch.

And it scared the hell out of her.

The two broke away for air then. With her heart beating wildly, Regina could only gape at Killian and wonder what the hell had just happened. Since when did she start comparing him to Daniel? And since when did he kiss her like that?

He seemed to be in a similar train of thought, because his wide eyes were locked on her again and he swallowed uncomfortably.

Regina looked away then, unsure what to do next. Was she even ready to let someone else into her heart? Better yet, would this man only end up hurting her or vice versa? They had already betrayed one another before. Was trust even an option?

Her mind was swimming with possibilities, both good and bad. It was too much all at once. Suddenly, the urgent need for space to think overwhelmed her, and she found herself pulling the sheet up over her chest, backing away and climbing out of bed.

"I think you should go," she stated quietly as she turned to collect her clothes, holding the sheet tightly to herself as she did so.

Killian didn't speak, instead he nodded and picked up his own clothing from her bedroom floor to finish dressing. Once he was fully clothed, he was gone without another word.

He would be back, of course. Regina knew that. But for now, she was relieved that he didn't stick around to change her mind or mince words. He would certainly return, though. Until then, she needed time to process and make some decisions. Then maybe—just maybe—she would be ready to deal.

Whatever came out of this, though, she was certain the Captain would not be disappearing from her life any time soon. And the truth was, as terrified as she was, she wasn't sure she could handle losing someone else.

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_**Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Feedback is greatly encouraged! =)**_


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